The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Fly My Winged Child

Through the eyes of a Flying Fijian mum

It has been 18 days since I arrived here in Japan and so true is the saying that "time flies when you're having fun!"

Cathy and I. Family Support #50Rocks

My trip has been nothing but fun and amazing! The fact that this trip is to celebrate my 50^th birthday which happened to coincide with the Rugby World Cup has been nothing short of a blessing. In fact, the additional blessing is that I get to share this with my Natabua High School and life long best friend Cathy Kumar (nee Fong) who is also celebrating her 50^th birthday. 

Rugby has brought countless blessings and has done so much good for my little family of three to which I am and will always be grateful to my Lord Jesus Christ for. However, we have also had some bad times as well.  But in this environment of professional sport, unfortunately, along with the good and the bad, the ugly does raise its’ head every once in a while.

The Good

Being a parent of an international professional rugby player has brought with it many traveling opportunities. My first being the trip to New Zealand to watch Ben play in the Under 12 Manly Representative side, followed by a trip to Canberra for the Under 15’s 10-a-side competition that Ben was a part of, the U16 National Championships in Brisbane where Ben played for the Sydney representative side, trial games in the Hunter Valley in New South Wales Australia, Wollongong and Central Coast, a trip to Italy with the Australian U20’s,trips to Melbourne and  New Zealand during his Super Rugby career, to England and Wales for the Rugby World Cup in 2015,  to France and back home to Fiji to witness a number of the Flying Fijian games and now here in Japan.

But it isn’t just the travel that I enjoy. It’s the meeting of like minded individuals who are family members of the players, loyal fans and friends who love this sport we call Rugby. Individuals with kindred spirits who support the team regardless whether they win or lose. Individuals who understand the difference between constructive versus personal criticism. These individuals I have the utmost respect for, and some have become lifetime friends.  

Then there is the financial aspect of this sport. From where we have come from to now, the financial benefits that this sport has brought Ben is something that I as his parent would never have been able to provide him with or as a young adult once myself, a life I could offer my parents. If anything, it has been such a blessing.

Raising my boys in Sydney, Australia I was always of the mind that life for my children and the next generations to follow will always be better than the life I have lived. Not just financially but more importantly spiritually and in every facet of their lives.

This is mainly the reason I chose to move to Australia for further studies. I wanted to give my children a better life than what I was exposed to. Studying full time at the University of Sydney, juggling two jobs at the same time and getting them to their curricular activities such as Rugby for both my boys was not a walk in the park. It was tough but it was never an issue. All I settled in my heart and mind was that as long as I gave them the support that they needed and was the present parent,  my children would blossom and grow in whatever field they chose to apply their minds to.

After the many years of sowing into my children’s lives as a solo parent, I can look back now and say it has all been worth it.

There are so many memories whirling around in my head that as I looked out of my window on my latest Shinkensen train trip enroute to Tokyo from Osaka, I reflected back on a conversation I had with Ben during our road trip from Suva to Nadi.

The Pacific Transport Bus

As we approached Nadi, the Pacific Bus that runs everyday from Lautoka to Suva via Nadi drove past us. And as it sped past us, Ben shared that it was not that long ago when he was traveling in a similar bus whenever he came to visit family during his early years of a Super Rugby player. Not that there is anything wrong with traveling on the Pacific Bus, it was just that this time round, he could afford a rental car to help drive him back and forth to Nadi, provide family transport as and when they needed it and drive me, to the airport on my way back to Sydney.

I realise that I could be deemed biased here given I am his mother, but Ben is perhaps one of the most generous, kind, calm and level headed individuals that I know. I know that he is a great rugby player, but what I am most proud of Ben is his desire to give back where there is a need.

In his capacity as a Flying Fijian Ben has become an ambassador alongside Patrick Osborne also a Flying Fijian of Edufijikidz. It is a charity organisation that supports and empowers children and teachers in underdeveloped Pacific countries with the basic resources and knowledge to further their education. And only recently, Ben became an ambassador for the Charity Organisation called Homes of Hope.  Homes of Hope is the only organization of its kind in Fiji and the South Pacific that provides long-term care, support, and holistic restoration for girls and young mothers and their children. Homes of Hope desire to lead the fight in the South Pacific to promote freedom from stigmas and depreciation of women

.

His drive to want to make a difference reminds me of a scripture in the book of Luke. “To whom much is given, much is expected.” His want to help has blessed me to no end.

The Bad

But with the Good comes the bad.

I don’t believe there is one person who has come away without some sot of injury at one point in time playing rugby. By definition in its simplistic form, bad is the opposite of good. In the Cambridge English dictionary, bad is defined as “unpleasant and causing difficulties or harm.”

Injury is the bad in this context.

Ben was 13 years old when he had experienced his first injury. It was during a game between the Under 13’s Manly, Sydney representative side against a team in Rotorua, New Zealand. He had injured his finger and post an x-ray, it was found that his injury was a hairline fracture on his index finger.  But this was not going to stop him from playing. I remember standing next to him telling his coach to put him back on the field. So they did after strapping his finger with tape.

It was a few years later as he was training with his Under 16 year old Oatley Rugby team mates that he sprained his ankle and could not play in the grand finals. He was so upset that he couldn’t play but he was determined to get the boys fired up for the game. They went in as the underdogs and won.  

There were more injuries to follow during his last year at school and during his Super Rugby career that required surgery.  And these injuries were not only physical but also emotional and mental.

The challenge is getting back to playing at the standard you were playing at or higher before the injury. There were bouts of fear and uncertainty when he got back into training and playing, but this was something that like many other players he had to overcome and he did.

If there is one thing that I know about our Flying Fijian, it is this. It is his belief in God and in himself  that enables him to overcome the challenges and for that I am eternally grateful.

Like every other sport, alongside the good, there is the bad and of course the ugly.

As much as we love the game, the ugly side of it always rears its ugly head particularly when things aren’t going well.

The Ugly

I grew up around the rugby ovals in England as a toddler watching my dad play rugby so it can be said that I’ve spent most of my life around this sport.

The truth of the matter is that I have been involved in rugby as a parent, supporter and team manager for 18 years and I have seen it all.  The cheers, the jeers, the respectful and encouraging words of wisdom to the downright rude, irrelevant, disrespectful and infuriating comments blasted all over social media for all the world to see. Unfortunately, the ugly side of rugby has now become a moving beast.

Then there was also the challenges of looking different. Yes he was exposed to racist comments.

I will never forget being out at a club at East Sydney where Ben was playing for the NSW Waratahs A team against the Sydney East Grade 1 side. As he ran the ball down the sidelines, a spectator shouted out a racist comment to taunt him. What this gentleman didn’t realise was that it was comments like this that would fuel him. And it certainly did. Ben and the boys were relentless and had a convincing win that day.

As a parent it is confronting and often quite hurtful. But one thing I have learnt is that when you attack one member of the team the whole team feels it.

Regardless of what level you are playing at, when a team is formed a bond is created. So, when you attack the individual you are in fact attacking the whole team because the team is a family. Fortunately, outside of this ‘team family’, they have an extended family that includes the family members of the players, the coaching staff, the management team, friends and the fans who will support the team regardless of the outcome of any game.

This for me is the ugly side of rugby.

So, as we continue with our journey with our Flying Fijians the next chapter is yet to be written.

I can see it now. The chapter will reveal a story of how the game between Fiji vs Wales unfolded and I have no doubt that there will be many who will have something to say about it be it good or bad.

There are others like myself who are holding on to hope, expecting a miracle and there are others who have already called it a wrap. Only time will tell.

Am I nervous? Yes, a little but I feel quite calm about the whole thing. And I am aware that Wales is the current six nations champions who will bring all their fire power to the game.  But I am a believer in the impossible.

David & Goliath

Many years ago, a shepherd boy took on one of his biggest battles.  He was up against a warrior who was well-known by many around the land. He was bigger, stronger, more knowledgeable in his craft and more experienced. Many underestimated the potential of this shepherd boy others mocked him and pretty much wrote him off. This was the story of David the Shepherd and Goliath the Giant Warrior.

This story focuses on the most unlikely of outcomes of an underdog who chose to believe and wound up beating the odds.

I know how important this game is for our Flying Fijians but I am also well aware the belief that these boys have in themselves and more importantly in the God that they serve.

Fiji Times Article

When Ben was interviewed prior to their game against Georgia about his expectations of this game, he was quoted saying “I still have faith!”

I for one am holding on to that faith that like the shepherd boy, we will beat the odds!

As a parent who has stood along the sidelines for 19 years watching him work on his craft, I couldn’t be more grateful for where his craft has taken him to.

Photo by: Bruce Southwick

Now the time has come to put everything he has learnt into one of his biggest games to date.

All I ask is for you to BELIEVE!